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“𝙄’𝙢 𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙞𝙩.”
𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘈 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘳. 𝘈 𝘨𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥. 𝘈𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴.
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱?
𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺.
𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸.
𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥…
“𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙤 𝙬𝙚 𝙜𝙤 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚?”
𝘙𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘭𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.
𝘐𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴.
𝘐’𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘱 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘴.
𝘋𝘦𝘷𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘴.
𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥𝘴’ 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦-𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯?
𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴.
𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨.
𝙁𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙.
𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙍𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙞 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙖 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙𝙬𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙡?
𝙄𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙁𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙇𝙀𝙎𝙎?
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I hoist my six-foot-six frame up to standing and calmly cross the room to stand next to her. Fold my arms and stare out the window to hopefully hide how badly I’m shaking. I repeat my earlier question, “Why are you here, Mae?”
“Did you seriously think sending me a text telling me you’d give me a divorce was gonna fly with me? God, you LTZ guys and your stupid goddamn notes.”
Her voice catches, but she recovers in a flash. “Is that what you want? Be real with me. Please.”
I keep my voice calm. Collected. I can’t answer her directly, though. “It’s for the best. For you. The boys.”
“Wow. Okay.” Ronni kicks the wall with the toe of her boot. I can’t help but glance down at her to discover, despite her uncharacteristic display, she’s wrapped her arms around herself protectively.
I’m such a feckin’ arsehole. It kills me to lie to her. Divorce is the last thing in the world I want. Ronni’s my everything. Life with her and our sons means…
“I’m not going to beg you. That’s not who I am.” Ronni’s voice trembles. Pleads.
I’d never want her to lower herself that way. That she’d even consider it pierces my heart and makes me want to cocoon her in my arms. But, I can’t do that.
I lost that right when I sent the text on my way to the airport.
So, I nod. Keep my face frozen and emotionless. Watch her storm across the room, kick the empty pile of boxes and slam the door behind her.
When she’s gone, I break down. Wracking, silent sobs. I didn’t expect her to follow me here, but the loss of her presence is beyond devastating. How will I survive a world where I can’t breathe in her lemon-meringue-pie scent? Sip from her supple lips. Hold her tightly against my body after I’ve fucked her into oblivion. Cuddle with her and the boys and watch movies on a Sunday afternoon.
I won’t. Survive, that is. Not intact. I’m already a shell of a man.
Who will I be when this is all over?
The better question is, will it even matter?
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Kaylene Winter wrote her first Rock Star Romance novel at age 15 starring a fictionalized version of herself, her friends and their gorgeous rocker boyfriends. After living her own rockstar life as a band manager, music promoter and mover and shaker in Seattle during the early 1990's, Kaylene became a digital media legal strategist helping bring movies, television and music online. Throughout her busy career, Kaylene lost herself in romance novels across all genres inspiring her to realize her life-long dream to write creatively.
She lives in Seattle with her amazing husband and Siberian Husky. She loves to travel, throw dinner parties and support charitable causes supporting arts and animals.
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